The Pope and I

“Stand up,” she demanded. “Now, I am giving you one last chance to tell me your full Christian name, or else.”

I was terrified. I had already given her my full name.

I was baptised with the namesakes of two famous monks. Saints, both of them.

Francis Benedict. That’s who I was known as to my parents until about the age of five. From then on they called me Frankie. The problem was me. I couldn’t get my tongue around it.

It is quite normal for a child that age to have a slight problem with pronunciations. At bedtime I would pray to Jesus, Mary and Jofis. I couldn’t say Joseph properly. My two best friends were John Coss (Crossan) and Gerard Kaana (Kavanagh).

I remember the time when our regular teacher (a nun) was off sick or something. A new nun came in to teach us for a day or two. We were lucky in that our nuns were nice; Nowadays we hear some very sad stories of miserable childhoods.

But anyway, this new nun, Sister Assumpta, was winning us over by asking each child his or her name and making each one feel special. She was lovely. Young and full of joy and peace. Until she met me.

“Oh, look at you with your lovely curly golden hair.”

I smiled.

“What is your Christian name, child?”

“Francis Bendy-dick.” I replied, all proud of myself.

“Sorry. What was that, child?” Her smile was more fake now.

I told her again. I also told her that my granny had helped pick the name at my birth.

I think she blessed herself and then…well then she lost the plot. She turned into the nun from hell. A few of the children started to cry. My friend John had my back “Please Sister, that is his real name. I swear.”

And so it continued until she sent for the head nun. It was eventually all sorted and explained. She apologised to me and to the others. The head nun explained that Sister Assumpta had a build-up of wax in her ears. So that was that. Sorted.

It was sometime around then I became known as Frankie.

As a matter of throw-away fact, tomorrow is the feast day of Saint Benedict. I only know thatΒ  because there was a Benadictine monk on the radio today talking about opening a new monastery in Ireland.

If I could just give an opinion on the subject of names, in general. It doesn’t matter which name parents give to their child. It is how the child lives and how they treat those they encounter which is important. Even if his name is Lucifer it doesn’t mean he is destined to be a bad ass.

Good manners are worth more than any college degree.

I hadn’t given much thought about my double barrelled name until last year when, for only the second time in history, there are two Popes alive at once. Francis and Benedict.

I will strive to clean up my act from now on. I have a name (or two) to live up to.

Thank you for reading

Francis Bendy-dick.

27 thoughts on “The Pope and I

  1. Okay…wait…let me get past the visuals. Composed. Okay that is just the funniest sad little tale I have heard in a long time. I am glad you got it all sorted out. You really should do stand up comedy. Someday I’ll share about my son’s name tribulations. Great story, BD!! πŸ˜‰

  2. I looked at a house today — the one I liked best, actually. It’s in the formerly Italian part of this city where I did part of my growing up and will probably move. Leaning against the porch was Saint Francis, a little worse for time and wear, holding a sparrow. I greeted him and straightened him up and thought he was a BENEDICTION on my whole idea of moving to Colorado and maybe he was showing me my house! πŸ™‚

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  4. Hi there,

    Funny, endearing and priceless story of a name. Great read!

    I love the reference to the name Lucifer. Last year I read an online news piece about Lucifer being one of the names banned in New Zealand.

    Apparently, when parents chose a name they’d like for their child, they have to run it by the government first.

    I don’t recall all the names the government said “no” to, but I do know one was Anal. Good grief!

    I enjoyed your story! πŸ™‚


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  6. Hi, Thanks for reading my blog. Congratulations on writing as well. I was looking for a space to thank you and just found it. Funny you got both names of the last and present pope. The best is yet to be for you. Nice to hear from someone in Ireland. Angela

    • Cheers Angela. The Irish aren’t too plentiful in blog land. It is nice to bump into somebody who understands the importance of tea, in the daily diet. πŸ™‚
      Some of my posts are just acting the maggot and others are pure genius.

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