Apart from myself there have been approximately a half-dozen others who have seen my wife naked. Worse yet, we all live in the same town!
Still, time is the great healer. It doesn’t bother me so much now. It doesn’t bother her in the slightest.
We were a young couple. Newly married. Twenty-two years a piece. Mad for each other.
For the first two years of marriage we rented a small house while we saved for the deposit on our current home. It was a perfect little love nest. I have photos somewhere but I found this one online. You can see the cottage and its proximity to the beach.
The cottage is very old, in fact there was a ghost which used to whisper at times. True! But that didn’t bother us because we were too busy with each other, you know, exorcising our inhibitions.
Then one day…Crash!…Splash! The water tank in the attic gave up its own ghost. It was one of the older galvanised tanks, unlike the newer plastic versions. Anyway, it had rusted through, dumping its load. The ceiling gave way and drenched all below. Nether of us were in at the time and it wasn’t until hours later when we arrived back from work that we made the discovery.
The cottage owner was very helpful. He gave us the keys to another, more modern, holiday chalet in the neighbourhood while he got the old cottage fixed up.
On the Saturday night we went out with friends for a few beers and a spot of dancing. Bear in mind we were still young.
Upon returning, nature took its course. Just like the movies there was a trail of clothing from the front door to the bedroom door. Enough said.
The next morning we just lay there recalling how much fun we’d had with our friends at the disco. Well we laughed and snuggled and chatted until I could hold it no longer. I had one in the barrel and it was high time to let it go.
So up I get and scurry to the bedroom door in a panic. I reached for the doorknob and it came off in my hand! This was bad!! The door was hinged to open inwards. I tried refitting and turning it slowly but it was no use; the door was a very tight fit in the door frame, maybe because the house was rarely occupied.
Needless to say my wife was in stitches. No compassion there. Not even a waste paper basket in the room. Yes, if there had been I would have went in it. Image is nothing, in a situation like this!
Her laughing slowed when she realised that all our clothes were on the other side of the door. Her laughing stopped when she had to wriggle out the window. I didn’t give her time to mull it over. By now, I was in countdown mode. The idea was that she would enter through the front door and, once inside, open the bedroom door from the inside. Good job it was a bungalow.
But then. “Look Daddy, look! That woman has a bare bum.”
I stuck my head out the window. There was a family next door having breakfast outside. Lovely! Both parents and the two children stared as my wife picked herself up and ran off around the side of the house. Not only that but there was a couple out walking their spotted dalmatians who had also stopped to feast their eyes. Being totally honest, at that moment, I didn’t care what they thought. I just needed to go, so so badly.
It came to pass, the plan worked. The relief was Biblical!
A day or two later we were back in the Love Shack. A week or two later, the townsfolk found someone else’s wife to talk about.
The first thing I did when we bought our own house…I planted a hedge. Because as we all know, those who forget their history are destined to repeat it.
Thank you for reading